The White House  9:30 a.m.
The President has been informed of reports of widespread looting in Baghdad, Mosul, and Kirkuk, and hails what he calls "this return to normalcy." The President views this activity as "tax cuts in action" and believes the Iraqi people know best how to spend their hard-earned light bulbs and office furniture, certainly better than some bureaucrat from Washington.
The repugnance of being ruled by "pointy-headed bureacucrats" being obvious, the President has awarded a no-bid contract for the government of Iraq to Bechtel International. "We believe the private sector is inherently more capable of handling such matters than entrenched bureaucracies, and Iraq offers us the possibility of a unique and exciting test case."
The White House, Washington    10:05 a.m.
It has come to our attention that the persons carrying out the looting in Baghdad, Mosul, and Kirkuk are not, as we had previosuly assumed, the staff of Haliburton-Iraq and Bechtel International. "In this light, we condemn the looting in the strongest possible terms."  The Presiden t has ordered U.S. military units to shoot to kill anyone found looting property without a corporate sponsor.
The White House     , Washington       10:07 a.m.
The reference to "shoot to kill" orders was a mistake made by ;a junior intern and should be deleted from the press release of 10:05.  It applies only to Arctic Caribou in or near the Arctic National Drilling Expanse, formerly the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.
The White House, Washington     10:30 A.M., April 11
This supercedes ;the press releases of  9:30 a.m., 10:05 a.m., and 10:07  a.m.
The President is distressed by reports of looting in Baghdad, Mosul, and Kirkuk, and believes such activity to be the work of Al-Qaeda. It is also possible that some ;Iraqi citizens are suffering from previosuly-undocumented side effects from exposure to chemical and biological weapons. Taken together, these events prove the link between Al-Qaeda, the previous Iraqi government, and WMD.  OK?  So get off our back about the "where's the beef?" questions.