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|Cool Muskrat Creation Legends from Native American Traditions.|
|Commandments debate prompts demonstrations
By SUZANNE GAMBOA
ASSOCIATED PRESS WRITER
WASHINGTON -- Shouts of "Amen" and a response of "hypocrites" pierced the chill air Wednesday as demonstrators protested in front of the Supreme Court while inside justices considered cases involving displays of the Ten Commandments on government property.
At times, the demonstration of those backing the displays took on the fervor of a prayer meeting, as the group of fewer than 100 sang "Amazing Grace" and recited prayers at the courthouse steps. …
Christan Stapleton, 13, of Newland, N.C. carried a homemade, cardboard Ten Commandments tablet. She came to the Supreme Court with her church and family members. "We do need them in our school," she said, "to help us know what to do, what God wants us to do as we go through our day."
[This despite the statement by Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott that the Commandments communicated “a secular message to all the people, regardless of whether they are believers or not believers of the important role the Ten Commandments have played in the development of law.”]
His supporters outside the courtroom agreed, but seemed to miss the nuance. “Praise the Lord! We support this display because it’s completely and totally non-religious! Say Amen!” cried Pastor Bub B. Bubba, of the Texas Church of the Terminally Clueless. Asked why none of the pro-display demonstrators were, for example, legal historians, Pastor Bubba suggested that “God had chosen to work through His Church to advance his non-denominational and completely non-religious message of obedience to the One True God.”
A colleague agreed. Waving a bible in the air, Reverend Oscallola “Holler” Yaller, of the Kentucky Kongregation of the Konfused said “We are commanded by our God to be here to day to bear witness to the critical importance of communicating this totally and completely non-religious message.” Asked why religious groups were not supporting displays of other symbols of legal history, such as the Magna Carta, Rev. Yaller replied “Because Jesus didn’t preach the Magna Carta, you stupid Heathen.” Asked if that answer didn’t undermine his argument, Rev. Yaller called on the demons in this reporter to come forth and possess him no more. The demons, including this rpeorter’s fear of spiders and searing memories of 11th-grade dodgeball, politely refused.
Some observers (possibly Jewish) suggested that the demonstrators were not helping their own cause. “I mean, come on,” said Dan Herzegovina of the Washington Institute for the Study of the Glaringly Obvious. “You find me one protestor who can articulate a reason for having this monument without breaking into glossolalia and I’ll give you a shiny new nickel… hey, look at that… an anatomically correct buffalo!”
Meanwhile, when asked to cite examples of other completely secular messages that God had commanded by displayed in public places, the Rev. Yaller suggested that “Employees must wash hands before returning to work” was clearly derived from the Old Testament, and “No Right Turn on Red” was “divinely inspired.”
Remember, the part in BOLD is the actual truth-flavored product. The rest is fake.
Previous Lines of the Day
|Viewer reactions to my December 2004 appearance on Jeopardy! (all from www.televisionwithoutpity.com): (My version here)
"Was it just me or did Tom seem strangely confrontational? His looks at Alex were giving off a "you wanna take this outside?" vibe. Odd man."
"Tom acts cold and arrogant and just seems like a big dickweed."
"Tom ... seems more consumed by betting big and looking like a stud than playing a well-managed game. I suspect he'll implode before racking up too many wins."