Games!

It's not all levity here at MuskratCo HQ! 
We play games, too.
We're very fond of

INVASION BINGO
,
The Bush League Drinking Game,
And our ever-popular
MUSKRAT MISSILE
DEFENSE GAME

Not to mention, for the kiddies, our most popular feature:
The MISSILE DEFENSE COLORING BOOK
LEGAL DISCLAIMER

We have no respect for the law, so we hereby disclaim any attempt to take it seriously. 
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The Paw
MISSILE DEFENSE UPDATE:  NORAD DOCUMENTS FOUND IN DUMPSTER
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Cool Muskrat Creation Legends from Native American Traditions. 
Implanted Electrodes Combat Depression

By Amanda Gardner
HealthDay Reporter
TUESDAY, March 1 (HealthDay News) -- A procedure that involves drilling two holes into a person's skull and then implanting electrodes in the brain has shown promise in treating individuals who are severely depressed and resistant to other types of treatment.
Four of six patients who received this deep brain stimulation showed sustained improvement six months after the procedure took place, scientists report in the March 3 issue of Neuron.

Oddly enough, the aspect of the patient’s depression that was most affected was the listlessness and lack of energy that so often characterizes that disease.  “These guys have a whole new attitude,” enthused one doctor from the clinic.  “They have spent just about every waking hour tracking down the doctors who did this and punishing them.”

Indeed, the patients have shown remarkable degrees of energy since the procedure.  “That little creep drilled two holes in my skull!  I’m going to get him if it takes the rest of my life!” enthused one. 

Other treatments being investigated include “slapping patients repeatedly,” throwing rocks through patient’s windows at 2:00 a.m., and sleeping with patient’s wives. 

“We tried just, you know, poking them in the chest, and they didn’t really respond,” lamented one clinician.  “We’d say ‘snap out of it,’ but they didn’t.  So we asked ourselves what would make us perk up and take an interest in life again.” 

The unanimous answer tot hat question (“A hundred million dollars and a sex-crazed supermodel girlfriend”) turned out to be beyond the resources of the clinic.  As a result, they turned to lower-cost options involving power tools.  In addition to drilling holes in people’s heads, they’ve had good luck with power-stapling patients’ feet to the floor, and belt-sanding large areas of their flesh raw.  However, floor-stapled patients suffered from a marked lack of mobility, and their rage quickly subsided.  “We needed an injury that was embarrassing and painful, but which left them ambulatory,” said one doctor.  Head drilling was an obvious choice.”

Remember, the part in
BOLD is the actual truth-flavored product.  The rest is fake.
Previous Lines of the Day
Viewer reactions to my December 2004 appearance on Jeopardy!  (all from www.televisionwithoutpity.com): (My version here)

"
Was it just me or did Tom seem strangely confrontational? His looks at Alex were giving off a "you wanna take this outside?" vibe. Odd man."

"
Tom acts cold and arrogant and just seems like a big dickweed."

"
Tom ... seems more consumed by betting big and looking like a stud than playing a well-managed game. I suspect he'll implode before racking up too many wins."