To Explain why the Muskrats have been distracted lately, we offer a sample of the kinds of final exam questions they have encountered, along with sample answers provided.
Constitutional Law:
1. (short answer) You are an American citizen of Arab Descent. You support various Arab-American cultural organizations. You know some eof them are also supported by radicals with extremist agendas. One day, you are arrested by masked men and taken to an anonymous cell via a long serious of car and airplane rides.
a. Do you have the right to see an attorney?
(answer: yes, but not to speak to one. You will be shown a picture of F. Lee Bailey if that will make your guilty ass happy.)
b. Do you have the right to remain silent?
(answer: Theoretically yes, but that will be hard to maintain once the cattle prod zaps your testicles - everybody screams something at that point.)
c. Would it be a good idea to ask for the Kosher meal?
(answer: what is that, a coded message to your terrorist buddies? I call that a confession!)
2. (multiple choice) The President has ordered the New York Stock Exchange to "keep the Dow from dropping or you'll be clearing minefields on the Iraq-Syria border before you can blink." Citing Youngstown Steel, the D.C. Circuit invalidates the order. What can the President do next?
a. Argue that, if Nixon could order mandatory price curbs to defeat inflation, you can order the price of the Dow to be frozen.
b. Arrest those Whiny SOBs at the NYSE for blabbing to the Courts.
c. Arrest the D.C. Circuit and send it to Guantanamo.
(answer: B and C)
3. (Essay) Have you seen any of the faculty or your fellow students doing or saying anything suspicious? In particular, have they ever expressed any skepticism about the War on Terror or the constantly-changing rationale for the War on Iraq, or have they ever alleged that the so-called "Bill of Rights" applies to them? Please supply names, identifying physical characteristics, dates and locations, and be sure to include the names of any listeners.
(answer: I heard my professor say something about the "First Amendment," whatever that is. He can be found in Room 1788, in the office with the upside-down American Flag on the wall.)
(better answer: Clearly, I have failed in my duties as a citizen by not noticing the web of subversion and lies that surround me. I can only blame the liberal media for brainwashing me into believing that discussions of drinking habits and social activities are not, in fact, coded references to planned terrorist activities. I regret the error of my ways, and am submitting an affidavit attesting to my belief that all of my fellow students are affiliated with some form of terrorist organization.)
(best answer: I confess. Please prepare the text of my confession for me so that I may sign it as soon as possible.)
Criminal Law:
1. (multiple choice) You are on Death Row in Texas for the 1997 rape and murder of a Houston housewife. Recently-completed DNA tests on crime scene material indicate that you were not the rapist, but that a convicted killer named Hollings was. What do you do?
a. Send Hollings a message asking him nicely to 'fess up.
b. Ask for a reprieve.
c. Start planning your last meal.
(answer: C. This is Texas. After all.)
2. (multiple choice) You are on trial in Dallas for killing a man named Balint. An eyewitness has identified you at the scene, but only after a lineup that consisted of the police pointing you out as you sat cuffed in the back of the cruiser and asking "is that they guy?" You are black. Balint was a swarthy Italian-American. What is your best trial strategy. Given the limited skills of your public-aid lawyer?
a. Suggest that Balint doesn't count as white, since he's got darker skin than Colin Powell.
b. Ask the Bailiff to wake up your attorney so he can  object to eyewitness ID.
c. Start planning your last meal.
(answer: C. This is Texas, after all)
3. (multiple choice) You have swindled investors and employees out of approximately two billion dollars by looting every penny of value from a large Texas corporation. Some shareholders are loudly talking about seeking your indictment for fraud, racketeering, and the murder of Delores Whitcomb, 88, who passed away when reading the news that you had bankrupted her. What are your options?
a.  Offer to plead      guilty and return 10% of the amount stolen in exchange for no jail time.
b.Argue that the murder charge fails for lack of causal link between your actions and Mrs.  Whitcomb's death, and blame the rest on "my accountants who, if they  had been any good, I wouldn't have hired in the first place."
c.  Donate 5% of the      proceeds to the local GOP, 5% to the local Democratic Party, and winter in      St. Bart's until this all blows over.
(answer: C. This is Texas, after all.)
Property


1.  (short answer) Why      is theft bad
(answer: Because it is profoundly undemocratic. It actively asserts the right of one individual to invalidate the allocative decisions of the entire rest of society. Even though society does not endorse each allocation, it endorses the system by which goods are allocated, the 'rules of the game.' As such, theft is cheating.)
(better answer: Theft is not bad. It in fact follows the rules of the game, which are universally understood to include the possibility of theft. It is resented by those stolen from, but is a rational choice for acquiring goods if one is willing to assume he risk of capture and punishment. Society implicitly endorses this view by glamorizing thieves and patronizing gray market vendors. Also, everybody steals cable.)
(best answer: Because Professors don't like to have their car radios stolen, and it makes them grumpy when grading time rolls around, if you get my drift.)
2. (multiple choice): You are Dr. magneto, a mad Scientist. You have built a Death Ray in your basement. Those interfering kids and their dog, Scooby-Do have uncovered it. The Sheriff now wants to take the cesium module out of the Death Ray, rendering it useless. What is your best option for resisting?
a. Argue that the government cannot take possession of your property without Due Process.
b. Go to commercial.
c. You fool! Use the Magno-ray to stop him, then use the Death Ray to level the whole town for laughing at you in high School!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(answer: C. This is Texas, after all)