(Washington)  Rumors are flying in the national capital that there is trouble in one of the nation?s highest-profile marriages.  Insiders are saying that Lady Liberty (226), is growing disenchanted with her political marriage to George W. Bush (56), and has privately complained to friends about the difference in their ages and levels of maturity as well as boorish and possibly abusive behavior on the part of the President.  Liberty was reported to have been seen at the UN last week sporting a black eye, but reportedly told Lady Brittania that she had "bumped into Canada by accident."
The White House would not comment, but Frieda Kahlo-Schlossberg of the Washington Family Violence Prevention Center said the Bush-Liberty marriage was one in which political violence shouldn't surprise anyone.  "Look at the classic warning signs of abusive behavior in a spouse: One is quick involvement.  How long did Lady Liberty really know this Texan before she agreed to marry him?  One term?  As governor in a weak-governor state?  Somebody was desperate to get married before she turned 230, and desperation never bodes well for a marriage."
Velveeta Scripps-Howard, of the National Coalition of Battered Similes, agrees.  "The classic abuser had a history of alcohol or drug abuse, and delights in cruelty and violence.  A man who partied so hard in his 'youthful thirties' he can barely remember the details, whose chief hobby in Texas was executing retarded people, couldn't fit the bill more neatly."
Another classic sign of marital trouble cited by experts is possessiveness or jealousy by the abusing spouse, checking up on and reading the e-mail of the other spouse.  They note that Bush has been known to ask tradesman and utility workers if they have seen his wife acting suspiciously, and they question what kind of husband would wiretap his wife's approximately ten billion daily phone conversations.
Finally, nothing is more important to an abuser than control -- which means isolating the other spouse from family, friends, and work, significant international obligations, even her NATO partners.  Bush not only has taken over the shopping duties for his wife, explaining that she was 'buying too much unfairly dumped steel,' but has refused to let Mrs. Liberty meet her old friends socially.  Friends report he repeatedly tells Lady Liberty that "the UN doesn't love you," and "we don't need the  Europeans to have a good time."
The couple's isolation has grown to the point where neighbors have complained about the pile of shredded treaties in Bush's backyard, saying it's beginning to smell and has attracted nuisances such as rats, flies, and Democratic Senators Patrick Leahy and Joseph Biden.  Nonetheless, until recently, there was little public notice of the Bush-Liberty marital troubles.
That may changed with the airing of tomorrow night's episode of Cops, previewed for this reporter by the police officer involved.  "We got a call that the right of Habeus Corpus was being abused downtown, and when we arrived on the scene we saw president Bush in the yard, yelling through a window about evildoers," DCPD Officer Ken McDonut said.   "When we got out of the car, Vice-President Cheney wandered over, yelling that this was 'an undisclosed secure location,' and we had to leave.  He was acting weird -- he had kind of a glassy look in his eyes, and he kept talking out of the side of his mouth.  Later we found out that second thing is what he does all the time, but that night we just thought he was high on those cheap stock options that are making the rounds.   My partner tried to calm him down, or least get him to put some pants on.  Finally, just to shut him up, we cuffed him and put him in the cruiser."
"Meanwhile, Bush keeps wandering back and forth from the front door to window, shouting at Liberty to let him in, and how we was sorry, but that it was her first husband Bill's fault.  When we entered the house, we found Lady Liberty sitting hunched on a beat-up couch.  Looked to me like she'd been crying.   Bush tried to convince us nothing had happened.  He said he had just gone outside to look for "enemy combatants" when the door shut behind him.  We took Mrs. Liberty aside to ask if she needed assistance, or wanted to press charges, but she kept shaking her head saying "not with his approval ratings."
"We didn't see any obvious bruising or broken Constitutional Rights, and without her or his permission, we couldn't do a more thorough search of the rest of the house, or as Bush calls it, "CampX-Ray."  So we had to leave.  But as an experienced beat cop, I can tell you right now she's going to be in trouble if she doesn't get rid of him."