Difficile est satiram non scribere.
(It is difficult not to write satire.)
--Juvenal
07 July 2003 Text: Frequently Asked Questions Regarding New Iraqi Currency
(Transition to new dinar begins October 2003) (620)
July 7, 2003, the Coalition Provisional Authority released the following responses to frequently asked questions regarding the transition to a new Iraqi banknote.
(begin text)
THE NEW IRAQI BANKNOTES -- QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
What's happening?
New Iraqi banknotes will be introduced on October 15. The normal Iraqidinars ("print dinars") in circulation in most of Iraq, and the former national dinars ("Swiss dinars") in circulation in parts of Northern Iraq, will be exchanged for this "new Iraqi Dinar".
When is this happening?
The new notes will be ready on October 15.
When?
October 15, you dimwit.
No, I mean what time of day?
Oh - about noon-ish.
Why don't you just print more normal Iraqi ("print") dinars?
Because their quality is poor, they don't last. They are also hard to use because of the lack of different denominations. And it's time that the new unified Iraq had one set of banknotes, and notes without the head of Saddam Hussein.
Why is Vice-President Cheney on the new notes?
That is not the head of Vice-President Cheney. Cheney does not have a moustache, nor does he wear a top hat in public. It is a popular American cultural figure known simply as "Mr. Monopoly."
Like the board game "Monopoly"?
Yes.
So, the new dinars are just monopoly money?
First of all, it's not "just" Monopoly money. Monopoly is one of the most popular board games of all time. It's not like we're using leftover Mexican Pesos or anything. The denominations and colors are well known to millions of people around the world, which should increase the new currency's convertibility. Secondly, only the paper notes are Monopoly money. The coins are real coins, featuring a genuine Arab image.
Are you sure? Because that woman looks like a Shoshone Indian.... hey! these are those Sacagawea dollars
Look, they're perfectly good coins, never been used. Just think of General Franks and Paul Bremer as the Lewis and Clark of the new Iraq. It's a metaphor.
Didn't Lewis and Clark lead the way for the ruthless extermination of the native people in a greed-fueled rush to acquire their land and resources?
Yes, but now the Indians have casinos, so it's all OK. You can have casinos too, if you want.
The Sacagawea Dinars look like quarters.
THEY DO NOT!! Those were the 'Susan al-Anthony dinars' and we decided not to use them for just that reason.
I'm surprised you didn't give the contract to Halliburton.
We tried, but they said "they already had a license to print money."
What does that mean?
We're not sure, but they were laughing when they said it.
Will the new dinars be valid for all transactions?
They will be valid for all legal transactions. They are not to be used for the purchase of heavy weapons, WMD or WMD precursors or delivery systems, or donating to the Howard Dean campaign. Note that, per our agreement with the Iraqi National Assault Rifle, Bazooka, and Light Anti-Aircraft Artillery Association, (INARBLAAAA), purchase of legitimate sporting weapons such as sniper rifles is allowed.
Do I really need to change my notes? Won't the new Iraqi governmentchange the design again anyway?
Yes, you should change all your current dinars when the time comes. After the changeover period, the normal Iraqi ("print") dinars, and former national ("Swiss") dinars will no longer be valid. Once there have been national elections, and there is a new Iraqi Government, the new Government may introduce new notes, or a new currency. But this will be further down the line.
You know what I mean - won't Saddam just annul the new notes once he returns to power?
As we have said before, Saddam will not return to power. Ever.
Yeah, but you sad "there was no looting," too, and that wasn't true.
There was no looting.
And you said we had WMD, when we didn't.
You do have WMD, you little sneak. We just haven't found it yet.
I hear that if you hold the new dinars up to the light, you can see Saddam's face in the watermark. Is that true?
I don't think that's very … oh, crap. We'll have to reprint these. How did that happen?
(end text)
(Distributed by the Bureau of International Information Programs, U.S. Department of State. Web site: http://usinfo.state.gov)
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